Second dating advice
It’s easy to be light and breezy when you’re talking about standard getting-to-know-you topics.
Reaching for something, anything, you offer, “The fish tank behind the bar is so … ” wishing you could jump into it and swim far, far away. First dates may be nerve-racking, but they’re a piece of cake compared to what comes after.Just like the helicopter-flown dates to private concerts on tropical islands on “The Bachelor” are not realistic or sustainable, the magic and romance of a first date can’t last forever either.If you compare your second date to the first, you’ll often be disappointed. Regardless of whether you’re thinking back to your first date, figuring out what you’re going to say next, or deciding who you want to do your hair and makeup for your wedding, not being present is one of the biggest traps for getting stuck in a slump.But you ultimately want to date someone who likes sides of you. It’s a myth that everything has to flow smoothly on date, and if it doesn’t, then this isn’t the right person for you and it’s not worth going out with him again.There’s only one way to know if you can truly be yourself with him and be appreciated for who you really are—and now’s as good a time as any to find out. Awkward pauses and uncomfortable silences aren’t necessarily signs that this isn’t working out—they’re signs that you’re getting to know someone where things can be awkward and uncomfortable, unlike in fantasy where everyone always says and does exactly the right thing.Between all the awkward pauses, you’re wondering what you saw in this guy.
Or maybe he’s just as magical as last time, but it’s that’s off this time.
Second dates can let you get more physical, but you need to make it on the same level as the first, ie, have an adventure.
hen you finally meet someone you connect with, that first date feels like magic.
Wondering why it isn’t measuring up, why there are boring stretches and awkward pauses and all the excitement is gone, you could feel like this guy is all wrong for you and be ready to send him home without a rose. Your first date was at the best table at the best restaurant in town, followed by drinks in a cozy corner of a romantic wine bar, topped off with a kiss so passionate it set off fireworks. To take the pressure off, do something so different and low-key that you won’t be tempted to compare it to your all-the-planets-aligned first date. See what’s going on in the wild world of your mind, and if you’ve jumped ahead a step, or two, or five hundred, gently remind yourself to drop your expectations and take things one step at a time. Hanging out anywhere in your head—past or future—will only prevent you from getting to know the person sitting across from you right now.
But if you can hang in there and survive the second date slump, you are that much closer to true intimacy and a fulfilling relationship that outshines even the alluring luster of a magical first date. If you got decked out for date number one, try going on a casual dressed-down date to a pizza place known for its brick-oven pies, or that dive bar that has the best wings, cheap pitchers of beer, and a killer jukebox. After a great first date, it’s hard not to hop on the express train to Fantasy Land. Do you think of him as your summer traveling companion? It helps to take a moment before you walk in to meet your date to ground yourself.
The conversation flows smoothly, the chemistry is electric, and you wish that the night would never end.